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Do people know I'm not looking at them when talking to them? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 1 year ago by Mike_Hunt@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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I was watching a video about a painting and the commentary mentioned how it looks at you and most people in the comments mentioned the same thing but to me, it was like she was looking behind me (this is going somewhere) commonly I don't make much eye contact so to get around this I look at the space between the eyes of whoever I'm talking to with occasional looking at the eyes quickly, is this noticeable on their end? Because when I looked at the painting in the eyes, she was looking at me as well, and it felt like a massive difference.

The painting in question for anyone interested.

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[–] Admetus@sopuli.xyz 9 points 1 year ago*

To me, the lady is not really looking at anything, but yes, her eyes are directed behind my shoulder.

The eye contact 'language' is complicated. Sometimes I'm facing someone directly. I'm probably looking towards their eyes 90% of the time with an occasional look in another direction as I process the conversation. Other times I'm faced away in a posture that shows I'm listening (I'm hard of hearing so sometimes I need to have an ear facing towards them); then I'll be looking towards their eyes 20%-ish of the time.

I think it depends on the context. In a formal setting facing each other, looking away could be misinterpreted, and eye contact is a skill to be cultivated. Call it 'cultivating charisma'. I'm a teacher and had to develop quite a lot of experience in it, and popularity tends to scale with its effectiveness.

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