Both things can be true :)

That line is a false premise, that liberal is heart based and conservative is brain based. Always look for the false premise, conservatives are great at making them.

I've always heard the second part as "If you're not a conservative when you're old, you don't have anything in your wallet."

The last time I heard this was from a woman who died of covid a few months later. Funny as hell.

My political views are basically that we should make decisions based on evidence and observable reality. This apparently makes me ultra super turbo radical left.

Yup. And as someone on the far left, it's pretty easy to see that those people who just stand still like the meme are talking about are absolutely not on the far left. I'd also argue if you can stand still in your middling 90s/early 00s centrist politics amidst everything happening, you're probably a pretty shitty person

Except when you get to that level of far left where you start unironically repeating far right talking points.

As a non-american: they are both right-wing parties by international standards. One of them is super-duper far right.