his hands are tide? hmmm

i'm part of jim kellogg's anti-masturbation therapy and they've shoved my hands into bottles. i cannot get them out and i have not eaten for days. please help me.

... my arms are too long

but I'm busy fisting detergent

I have to tidy up?

"...my hands are Tide bottles"? Wouldn't his hands be goo if they were actual Tide?