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Did I do the right thing? (lemmy.world)
submitted 9 months ago by to c/dating@lemmy.world
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I met a girl on hinge, we hit it off, the conversation was great and we were both really into it. We planned a first date. The date honestly felt magical. It was as if time flew by. We then plan a second date, we meet. At the end of the night we kissed. We continue to text, I plan a third date for this weekend. She agrees, were supposed to go to a light festival.

The next day she sends me a text where she says she's not interested in anything romantic and if I'm ok with that, she'll still go on the date with me. I text her back that it's a bit weird for me to suddenly switch so I want to cancel the date because I'd need some time if we were to be just friends. She then tells me that's she's there if I ever want to talk.

Honestly, I'll probably never reach out again but I do wonder if I did the right thing.

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[–] 26 points 9 months ago (1 child)

Bro she either found someone she likes more or found something she doesn't like about you. Don't hang around hoping that will change. Her loss.

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  • [–] 6 points 8 months ago

    Yup, this. Had a girl I really liked do this to me once. Tried to guilt trip me when I said that I had no interest in still hanging out after. I told her we can be friendLY, but we can't be friends. No reason to keep up the charade.

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    • [–] 14 points 9 months ago (5 children)

    Yeah, you did. You handled it with a lot more maturity than most people do too

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  • [–] [S] 5 points 9 months ago (4 children)

    Still, it's a bad feeling. It made me feel really insignificant. My friends say she's probably avoidant. I was in a serious committed relationship for six years and we broke up about a year ago. I've been dating for about a month now and honestly it's depressing.

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  • [–] 2 points 8 months ago* (3 children)

    dude, chill.

    she just didn't like you.

    don't complicate it more than that. you don't know this person at all. you just had a brief crush on them based on one date.

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  • [–] [S] 3 points 8 months ago (2 children)

    I just said it made me feel bad about myself, that doesn't mean I resent her or think she owes me anything or I think less of myself as a person. The key word here is feel, so don't come at me with logic, let me feel my feelings bro

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  • [–] 0 points 8 months ago* (1 child)

    It's your job to not feel bad about yourself. When you have good self-esteem you don't take rejection personally. You go 'oh that sucks, oh well' and don't ever really think about it.

    If you sit and stew in these feelings, instead of realizing how misguided they are, you are going to hate dating.

    Dating is 90% rejection. Get used to it.

    I've probably bad like 500+ first dates in my life. The amount of women who reciprocated my interest was about 10%. And none of those relationships ever lasted for more than a few weeks. and only like 5 lasted a year or more.

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  • [+] 0 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 child)
    [removed by mod]
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  • [–] 1 point 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

    So you'd marry or otherwise commit long term to someone who cheated on you? Or lied to you repeatedly?

    I mean some folks do, but I'm not into continuing relationships with people who violate my trust. But I'm weird like that.

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    • [–] 5 points 9 months ago

    I think we are so conditioned to think that break ups or endings must be high conflict in relationships with a bad guy and a good guy. This is an example of two people both doing the right thing and not working.

    You both went on a real life date instead of texting forever and wasting emotional energy before a face to face meeting. You both tested your physical chemistry early. You wanted to keep going out so you planned more dates. She did not and told you so. You handled it with grace and respect. All around best case scenario for two people to not continue dating.

    Who knows maybe you will run into her at a bar and her friend will be interested in you. You have shown yourself to be a good person. She might vouch for you but even if not good vibes are out there. This was a success not a total success but a success

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