Humans are space orcs.

If we make friends with a new species, we can pet them forever. Being eaten is just a temporary setback

Alien:Be careful, that fruit you're about to eat has specifically evolved to cause extreme pain to mammals, and it's nutritional value is negligible.

People: it's called a chilli and it's not even that bad

That's after the panic attacks the alien has because we breathe the incredibly corrosive "oxygen."

We'd have the same response to a race of aliens that lived in liquid ammonia.

I used to cut pineapple at a grocery store, before I learned about the enzymes i'd get chemical burns on my arms where the gloves didn't reach.

It's the other way round. Pineapples were like "Screw this, Imma eat them back!!!"

Eating food that eats you back sounds only fair to me! Besides, some proteins in our body need to be destroyed for us to stay healthy.

Yes it definitely digests some of me on the way out.

The spicy helps me know I’m alive.

pet a pineapple

sounds like some cut dialogue from Enemy Mine

Missing the motto of “I can stick my dick in it/it can stick it’s dick in me.”