Yeah.. my looks like:

1. start crossdressing
2. start HRT
3. admit I am trans
4. pause HRT
5. find out what kind of trans I am
6. research how to achieve my impossible goals Step 5 repeats with step 6

My gender is on a non-binary spectrum and I hate it. I wish I would be cis/trans man/woman. I am planning on lowering my T a bit and I am considering to come in peace with breasts and bind. Or who knows. Maybe I will grow to like the things I've disliked as my self expression progresses.

This would have been so much easier if my country legally believed in existence of enbies and gave me raloxifene.

Step 1 is really hard sometimes. Going ahead to step 2 can be helpful for finishing step 1. Also, just because you're trans doesn't mean you want to be a woman. So you can finish step 1 and admit you are some flavor of trans, but still not know what your end-goals are or if HRT will help you get there and choose to start HRT as a way of figuring out.

As much as "still cis tho" meme is funny, I think the problem is the HRT (or GAHT) accessibility; it shouldn't be allowed without consultation

You're telling me, I figured myself out at age 11 and immediately went into denial for 25 years. XD

I learned from the best at being in denial! Still would prefer people being in denial like this and get the treatment they want even if they have to justify it in weird ways. Its easier to think something like "I want to switch hormones" than it is to answer abstract questions like "what is a gender and what is mine if I have one?"

Just like pokemon games