You're not going to convince me that 4 isn't a shoehorn.

Number 4 looks like a shoe horn, so I'd go with that since it more than one use.

3 - At least it is going to be clear that I'm not simply weird, but actually cursed.

GOBLIN SHOVEL

1 - I don't want my spoons to be ribbed for her pleasure

2 - This spoon is simply incorrect

3 - This is the most disgusting thing I've ever seen

I'll choose option 4, its the least offensive option, but I'm not happy about it

2 and 3 are diabolical, so 1 and 4 are your only real options. I'm worried about the mouth feel of 1, so I'd probably go with 4. It's oversized compared to the rest, but it's better to have slightly more spoon than too small of a scoop!

4 would make the best spork and has an edge i could sharpen to make it a knife too. I choose 4 and am going to modify it.

I will eat cereal out of a cheesy foreskin before I assent to any such decision

1 because I grew up with that spoon and am already used to how fucking weird if feels in my mouth

Are there any rules about how violent you can be to the spoon you choose? Im sure you could turn some of these into decent spoons with some light physical persuasion.

Has to be 2!

Who took a picture of my silverware drawer?

I went from having no idea wtf is a moomin to literally seeing them everywhere

1 - 100% chance of a metallic taste, that lingers after use. 3 as well probably.

4 is the only practical option, just need to use it with your left hand.

Guess I'm never using spoons again.

The runcible one (1)

I would like to choose 3 but I feel 2 is the correct choice.

I think my tier list is 2, 1, 3,, 4

2 is decent enough for me, unless I'm missing something.

I was going to pick 1 as the most practical for most usecases….

But then i saw 4 has a moomin on the handle, easily overriding all other arguments.

I'm going with 4 too, unless I somehow lose my fingers.

4 seems the most suitable for liquid-er stuff, which I'd be unable to use my fingers for.
It also feels like it would be easier to clean than the others.