I hadn’t realised Jira was that old.

They had agile back then?

Most torturing thing in my case isn’t actually using teams with my coworkers, it’s how teams actually and everyday wants me to check a new cool feature I couldn’t care less about in regards to productivity

I think the quality of slaves went down after they outsourced the whipping though...

I see you’re quite good with sarcasm.

I feel like "because" should have been in caps here, or is it just me? That's how I read it anyway.

The red one.

But they had to use the aliens' cloud based Teams. It's well known that humans didn't have computers at that time.

The aliens theory is only used against brown civilizations.

Nonono, that's not how it works. See:

Eh, Vespasianus is the reason I can't even piss at a train station without fucking paying.