Tried and cannot prise them from facebook messenger....

Matrix is a well-known self-hosted messenger. I use it for years now.

I use a self hosted XMPP stack with ejabberd as server and conversations.im for mobile apps. I have audio and video calls and tons of features built into xmpp. There is a huge selection of apps for all platforms.

XMPP is a battle tested protocol that all major messaging apps use underneath.

I used Matrix a few years ago for a full year. I dropped it and never came back. It is a bloated solution to a problem that was already solved by xmpp.

I programmed a bot that is shared with a private room that provides commands such as archiving websites with archiveit or yt videos with TubeArchivist

I am planning however to migrate from Ejabberd to Prosody as I would like to easilly hack on the source code or extensions and Ejabberd is Erlang with a very rigid stack.

Matrix, with the Element app on phones.

Signal

i spun up a snikket instance, with a domain and caddy, all that jazz.

the chat is really just about perfect.

we use the conversations xmpp app, and the only issue is that our phones don't really see that app as a respectable calling app. the phones let other sounds play over the call, like GPS voices, or if a regular call comes in while we're on a call, it hijacks the audio system until we decline or answer.

Otherwise it's been pretty sweet!

Nextcloud chat, Matrix or Simplex Chat

What are their complaints about Mattermost? That might help.

Matrix. I could do without the DIscord-like space/rooms bullshit, but I've learned to ignore it. At least we're not on Skype anymore. Adding users is a commandline thing, but that happens seldom enough that it's not a big deal, though that means I have to find the documentation every time. I've worked in some of the bridges for people that aren't on Matrix directly and that seems to do the job.

@a @selfhosted @selfhostedchat Prosody (xmpp). The kids use Dino on their linux laptops, and Conversations on their android phones. The biggest problem we have is that the kids want to invite non-family members into the family chat, and I'm just not set up for that.