Yes, NICE will kick down your door in the middle of the night bearing baklava and armed with shish kebabs. It will be a real PITA for Anglo-Americans and terror will reign among hummous.

“If God is in charge, why did he let our country get taken over by Muslims and communists?”

She's so close. Just think a moment more on that. Why do you think God took power away from you?

Forgive me, I know El-Sayed’s victory over Mike Rogers in Michigan has been extremely difficult for Islamophobes and anti-Arab racists to come to terms with, particularly since it comes hot on the heels of Zohran Mamdani’s Muslim takeover of New York. So I would like to send everyone mourning the midterms my thoughts and sharia prayers.

Poor old Loomer, in particular, seems in need of prayers at this time; she is having a very public crisis of faith.

Oh man, I could use a shawarma right about now