and another thing: im not mad. please dont put in the newspaper that i got mad.

Ah, the relationship between an artist and a critic...

Dear Mr Trussington Howell-Foxforthy,

Thank you for returning my manuscript and your enclosed nasty niminy-piminy little note. I am afraid your letter is most unsuitable for me at the present time as I've just spent the entire weekend writing the novel that you have summarily rejected. I can only assume that it is company policy to reject all manuscripts not submitted in 10-ft high Braille. And yes, I am aware, that it is traditionally bad form to respond to any kind of criticism or rejection. But in this, as with all else, I am an innovator. Therefore I may freely address you as pissmidget.

Still, there is time for you to change your views, and I think you will when we meet. And meet we most assuredly will, when I suck out your eyes and use them as stoppers for my ears to muffle the screams you'll make as I headbutt you into a fine paste. I do hope you will not be disheartened by your sudden, violent death.

Yours Faithfully, Bernard Black

 Everyone... Everyone agreed he was right to kill the publisher. And to do it with a flugelhorn was a stroke of genius. "Bernard!" they said. No, Brendan, Brendan, "Brendan" they said. "Congratulations! Here, have this basket of stuff and come and stay for the weekend!"

Taika would like you to not criticize him. Thank you for your attention to this matter.

God forbid people don't like your movie Taika.

Any ratings system for art is stupid, from simple star ratings to book-length reviews from professional critics. I use CSS tweaks in Stylus and uBlock Origin to hide ratings and reviews for everything on IMDb and Steam (and many other places), and after watching a film or playing a game and then going to the ratings, I'm almost always shocked at how low they are compared to my own experiences with them. It's a very rare occasion when I'm like "well, I wasted 90 minutes watching that piece of shit". Going into a film with poor ratings ringing in your ears is only going to ensure you dislike it, because you're gonna completely switch off your own benefit-of-the-doubt and want to have your views line up with the consensus and to edit your experience in real-time. This is robbing you of everything a film offers.

I've been doing the CSS thing for years and have never looked back. It's improved my movie and game experiences tenfold and made me a marginally happier person in general. Try it, you lose literally nothing but gain so, so much.

I will be calling all of my critics this from now on

Dude always looks and sounds like he's been on a binge of drugs I can't afford.