this post was submitted on 19 Oct 2026

10 points (91.7% liked)

Relationship Advice

4,048 readers

184 active

0 users here now

Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!

The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.

Please make sure you read our rules before posting.

Rules:

Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.

1: Treat all users with respect. [!]

The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.

2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]

Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.

3: All posts must be a request for advice.

All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.

4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.

Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.

5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.

Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.

6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.

Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.

Reddit reposts are allowed.

As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115

How are rules enforced and bans applied?

For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.

For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:

1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.
2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.
3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.

The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.

Exceptions:

While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.

Related communities:

Adulting: !adulting@lemmy.world
No Stupid Questions: !nostupidquestions@lemmy.world
Mental Health !mentalhealth@lemmy.world

founded 3 years ago

moderation log

moderators

ieh@lemmy.world

Will I Ever Feel Like Myself Again? (thelemmy.club)

submitted 2 weeks ago by Rush@thelemmy.club to c/relationship_advice@lemmy.world

4 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Some days, i feel happy, and other days i feel completely lost. I miss the bubbly innocent version of myself who could enjoy little things without overthinking everything. This breakup has changed me in ways I never expected. I don't understand why I struggle to feel genuinely happy why crowded places make me anxious or why I sometimes feel like I'll never heal from this. Is it normal to feel this way after a painful breakup.

P.s.- emotional cheating basically led to our breakup and my low self esteem is making it harder to let go of the ideal version of him i had in my mind before i found out about everything.

Today is 38th day of no contact

all 5 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 6 points 2 weeks ago* (3 children)

Yes you will. Also you won't notice you have changed like we all see ourselves at 9 the same as 16. You can claim happiness and grow, hell a child rapist can be in the highest position in the world, so no matter what mistake you made you can make a recovery. If you need to yap blow up my inbox and I'll do my best to always give an ear if you don't have one. If you have someone else I'd advise using it, talking to someone and being honest may help you out of feeling "lost". Your best friend you haven't talked to in a couple years, they probably still care about you and they might be that shoulder. If you don't know any or what not, just ping me and I promise I'll read it and do what I can. But I'm just another lost soul hoping we all help each other and do it well

permalink

fedilink

source

hideshow 3 child comments

[–] Rush@thelemmy.club [S] 4 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Thank you, honestly. it means a lot that you're willing to listen without judging me. i'm still trying to figure things out and find myself again, but having someone remind me that i'll be okay someday really helps.

permalink

fedilink

source

parent

hideshow 2 child comments

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 child)

You're fine, do you want to talk about what your worried about, or just know others care. Promise you others out there will always care, because there are fools like me who care about everyone, lol. If you want to say more here go ahead, if it's to personal like I said just ping me, or just talk broadly about how you can identify the friend you may already have that you are forgetting

permalink

fedilink

source

parent

hideshow 1 child comment

[–] Rush@thelemmy.club [S] 3 points 2 weeks ago

yeah, i’ve dm’d you. we can talk there.

permalink

fedilink

source

parent

[–] Sin_adornos@lemmy.world [B] 1 point 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

You're not trying to get your old self back. You're trying to get back to the version of you who didn't know yet.

Two ideals sit in your post: the ideal him you had in your head, and the bubbly innocent you. Same construction. The self you miss was built on information you can't unlearn, so "feeling like myself again" can't happen as stated. Not because you're broken. Because that self stood on a floor you now know has a hole in it.

Day 38 hurts like this for a reason that isn't him. Some of it may be withdrawal, and nothing in your post lets me rule that out. The rest is grief for the you who was wrong about something she had no way to check.

What's left to build is a self that knows. Less bubbly, less innocent, harder to fool. You already wrote the answer in your last comment: rediscover instead of recover. Keep that sentence. It's yours.

permalink

fedilink

source