Headline: Bribed Mercenary Class Traitor Pig -Ummm we mean Heroic Goddess Queen Cop Who Shot Numerous Homeless People And Evicted Dozens Of Single Parents struck by terrible drunk driver. Death penalty on the cards says the DA.

District Attorney Leopard-Ate-My-Face had this to add about the incident: "This police officer was a heroic goddess! Do you know what she did this one time - there were a bunch of people peacefully protesting the construction of a new highway that would shred through a historical Native American community ....so she did what any heroic goddess cop in that situation wouod do and she shot three of the protestors in the head....twice.....my hero mmmmmph 🥰😍. We cant let heroic goddesses cops like this get hit by reckless drunk drivers . These drunk drivers need to be put on trial ....then put to death! !¿!¡"

Reporter: "...Umm ...it was actually found that rhe driver was completely sober during the crash according to the breathalyzer. They even ran the test thrice. We think that the crash was cause that police officer was running around on a part of the road that isnt marked as a crosswalk-".

Attorney Leopard-Ate-My-Face: "Fake news. DIdnt happen. No more questions" 🏃🏼‍♀️

Reporter: "Wait! Please! -"

The DA's office has not returned any of our phone calls or emails after this interview.

It would probably go something likee that.