Bite the bullet, find a brick and mortar music store and physically handle the choices.

Something might look fine online, but feel terrible when you try to play it.

Been there, done that 🙂 I got Roland V-Drums (td1kv). I see there are newer sets out there now, make sure your snare has a mesh head, the rest depending on your budget. I feel like though the material was different, Roland did their best to provide as much ‘analog’ experience in digital drums as possible (mute cymbals with hand, different sounds for hitting different parts of the drumhead, hi-hat having preassure-sensitive pedal in stead of only making the distinction between open and closed). Also, room/housemates will still hear that you are playing, they just won’t hear drum sounds. The neighbors won’t complain though 🙂

I have an Alesis Nitro set, and have been very pleased with them.

It really depends on your budget?