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[–] 58 points 2 months ago (10 children)

Man, I used to really like Mitch Hedberg jokes...

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  • [–] 5 points 2 months ago (9 children)

    I’m scared to ask: what’d he do?

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  • [–] [S] 101 points 2 months ago (2 children)

    He still likes them. He just used to too.

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  • [–] 24 points 2 months ago* (2 children)

    Mitch is one of the best, most wholesome, funniest stand up comics you will ever likely see. If you haven't you should. His whole schtick was just himself. A stand up comic with legitimate stage fright and anxiety in crowds. He was an absurd contradiction and made absurdity his brand. Owning it. Watching him on stage he would constantly find ways to avoid starring out at the crowd. The aviator shades. Playing with his hair. At one set he just announced to the crowd that he was gonna turn around for a while. Like it was a bit. But still continued the set without missing a beat. Died of an OD at 37 unfortunately.

    I like escalators, because an escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. There would never be an "Escalator Temporarily Out of Order" sign. Only an "Escalator Temporarily Stairs... Sorry for the Convenience."

    You know, I'm sick of following my dreams, man. I'm just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later.

    I order the club sandwich all the time. And I'm not even a member, man. I don't know how I get away with it.

    I want to hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations I've traveled to, but first I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won't fall down.

    You know when you go to a restaurant on the weekends, it's busy, so they start a waiting list? They start calling out names, they say "Dufrane, party of two. Table ready for Dufrane, party of two." And if no one answers, they'll say their name again. "Dufrane, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Bush, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the Dufranes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry - that's a double whammy. We need help. "Bush, SEARCH party of three! You can eat once you find the Dufranes."

    Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus... or a really cool opotamus?

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  • [–] 6 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

    He gave us the gift of laughter in a really kind, genuine way. And the joke, as others have explained, is a riff on one of his better known one-liners.

    I mean, I still love him. But I used to, too.

    Edit: I'm pretty sure the joke was: I used to do a lot of drugs. I mean, I still do. But I used to, too.

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  • [–] 18 points 2 months ago

    "I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn’t work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."

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  • [–] 11 points 2 months ago (1 child)
  • [–] 6 points 2 months ago

    You know crazy straws – they go all over the place? These straws are sane. They never lost their mind. They say, “we’re going straight to the mouth. That guy who takes a while to get there? He’s crazy.”

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  • [–] 4 points 2 months ago

    Mitch, we hardly knew ye. 😞

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  • [–] 4 points 2 months ago

    My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana...

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  • [–] 3 points 2 months ago

    This set me off watching a Mitch special instead of sleeping. What a bad thing to see late at night!

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    • Hey dreams! Where are you going?
    • To your grave...
    • ....fuck
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  • [–] 2 points 2 months ago

    Mitch was great, but I can only watch his style of comedy for so long before I have to move on. Dan Mintz (Tina from Bob's Burgers) has a similar style, and it's funny, but I can't stick around too long for quick shit one liners.

    Their highlight reels are top shelf though.

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  • [–] 1 point 2 months ago

    This is a great format for his jokes

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