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[–] 30 points 4 months ago (7 children)

If I ever find out ghosts live in my house, I'm going to bargain them: either pay basic services and half groceries or get exorcised. I live in front of a church, anyway.

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  • [–] 19 points 4 months ago (2 children)

    pay basic services and half groceries

    That doesn't seem reasonable given they use neither of those...

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  • [–] 1 point 4 months ago

    Of all the thousands religions that have come and gone, assuming some spin-off religion of a tiny tribal religion from the middle east is the correct magic to remove your ghosts probably doesn't hold the weight you think it does. You need a better threat.

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  • [–] 25 points 4 months ago (7 children)

    I be sleeping like a goddamn rotisserie chicken let me tell you

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  • [–] 1 point 4 months ago (6 children)

    Can I baste you in my batter while you rotate? I'm doing a science experiment for my church regarding sin. I've already done the control of ejaculating on my sister without her knowing, so I just need to do the experiment of someone consenting. What causes that möbiation of entanglement, and can we use my occult Knowledge to transcend physicality like Jesus, the Buddha, and Richard Simmons. We must know, for Christ's sake!

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  • [–] 2 points 4 months ago (3 children)

    No thank you, it would wake me up

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  • [–] 1 point 4 months ago (2 children)

    My sister didn't wake up, and it dried before morning. Aliens might be doing this to us every night and we would never know.

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  • [–] 19 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    There's an evolutionary reason we and other animals prefer to sleep facing the opening(s) of our rooms (for humans that actually means the top of the head is not same side as door).

    That said, somehow bets are off as to which side we face once laying down; I prefer to face the wall I think because enclosed spaces make me feel safer, like a cat. Or maybe it reduces stimuli, or something.

    Though lately I think my body likes sleeping on my right side since that side has more muscle, even though I'd rather sleep on my left for acid reflux reasons. Both are better reasons than the wall.

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  • [–] 16 points 4 months ago* (4 children)

    I went through a period of time in grad school where this feeling was so strong that it was absolutely affecting my ability to sleep. My bed was in the middle of the room. The headboard was facing the wall. One side of the bed had a view of a window and the other side a view of the door. The bed didn't really fit in a different orientation because the room was an incredibly strange shape.

    No matter what, I could not figure out which side to face to stop the very strong sensation of something being there. I kept having to open my eyes to "check" that nothing was there. I would toss and turn and struggle to make the feeling of being watched go away. I would sometimes swear I heard something breathing. Sometimes I would sleep on the floor...dunno why that felt like it would sometimes do something. Maybe I was able to orient my back to a wall or something idk.

    Glad that finally went away. I think I was under extreme stress or something. I also had relatively frequent bouts of sleep paralysis. But I cannot tell you how terrifyingly strong that feeling of demons coming to get me was, even though my rational mind knew there was nothing there.

    I had a fear of the dark as a child though, even as an older child. Some nights I would go sleep on my younger brother's floor because I would get scared. So I had always had some issues with this. But this was dialed up to like 11. One time I couldn't sleep for multiple days during this grad school period.

    Been fine since tho lol.

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  • [–] 2 points 4 months ago* (1 child)

    I used to be terrified of the dark into my teens. At one point I got fed up of being so scared, so when I was home alone and the feeling got overwhelming, I just screamed at it as hard as I could and walked directly down a dark staircase where the feeling was coming from. It felt like my nerves were on fire for a second, but I think it helped get something to click in my brain because the feeling has never been so intense since then, and I can usually ignore it or just go look and calm down.

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    [–] 11 points 4 months ago (2 children)

    I prefer sleeping to a wall, for some reason.

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  • [–] 9 points 4 months ago (4 children)

    Oh are you guys my guardian angels?! (°▽°)/

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  • [–] 6 points 4 months ago (3 children)

    My demented grandma saw people that weren't there. My mom called them her "guardian angels" because that was better than calling them ghosts.

    They helped her do things. Like, normally Grandma needed help getting to the restroom. One morning Mom found evidence she'd used the toilet in her own. Grandma said "oh, the angels helped me".

    Anyways, dementia is weird.

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  • [–] 1 point 4 months ago

    I'm probably going to have dementia in ten-twenty years due to all this offbrand Walmart Benadryl I've abused to enhance masturbation several hundredfold. I certainly have organ damage now from this awful addiction. Part of the reason I liked meth is because it took away my sexuality and allowed me to work my fuzzy, feminine ass off. Been clean from that for three years now. But this Benadryl ish fucks my ass three ways, sideways, upways, and down my britches like Sam Cougar was raging in his old tamales, y'know? The thing about disembodied eyeballs is that Mario 64 imprinted the on me and it did the condit thing when my dad scare me on Benadryl when I was eight or something. I've been addicted to this ish since I was eight. Fuck. You eat hamsters?

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  • [–] 7 points 4 months ago

    Oh my god that is so disturbing. Of all the kinds of horror creatures this is the kind I hate the most

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  • [–] 6 points 4 months ago

    Fart to establish a perimeter.

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  • [–] 5 points 4 months ago (2 children)

    Oh no! Regardless of which way I turn, there's a wall!

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  • [–] 2 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    First time sleeping in a coffin, what a noob

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  • [–] 2 points 4 months ago

    Hey now, no matter how talented anyone is at something, we all did whatever it is for the first time once.

    For example, I've opened this post as nearly the first thing I saw after waking up three times now and I'm getting pretty good at not flinching!

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  • [–] 4 points 4 months ago (2 children)

    It feels... Crowded? Cuddled?

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  • [–] 4 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    It's funny how many people here are discovering the basis of modern feng shui but vehemently deny it if you called it that.

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  • [–] 4 points 4 months ago

    I prefer sleeping on my left side most of the time, but this has me facing a wall. I have developed a psychological trick to mitigate my imagination of monsters sneaking in behind my back though: Imagine a pulsing protective dome around you, invisible to you on the inside, that blocks the monsters both physically and audibly outside of the barrier. This way I can safely imagine all the monsters I want, but they stay outside that barrier, so do not worry me at all and end up feeling safe. Being also a family man with kids and dogs in separate rooms, I do a mental excersise where I put up a shield over each of their sleeping places. This way I do not have to fear for their sakes either. If I have to go to the bathroom & kids rooms etc in the dark, especially if I have watched a late night horror film that has left me creeped out, I imagine being surrounded by a high current field that will zap anything that gets close. It usually helps to uust keep imagining a buzzing high voltage sound in my ears. Here are some tricks for anybody struggling with overly active imaginations.

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  • [–] 3 points 4 months ago

    You can just see them with your third eye, dummy, but you drink refried fluoride on a daily basis

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  • [–] 2 points 4 months ago

    These two aren't ghosts, as light seems to reflect off their eyes.

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  • [–] 2 points 4 months ago

    i only get sleep paralysis if i sleep on my back, and its not all the time, its usually if you are very tired the day before.

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