It'll be a nothing-burger claiming he's the most abused and harassed politician and will demand ask - for the sake of his children - to stop asking awkward questions. In a better version or reality his head would explode like the end of Cronenberg's Scanners.

I really really really hope he's gonna fuck all the way off!

Let me guess "I'm a big strong tough member of the master race, but the meanie lefties, and wokes, and women and transes are far too mean for me to carry on in public for fear I may have to endure poor people heckling me, therefore I can no longer continue to not do my job as MP."

He's resigning but contesting the resulting by-election.

I guess the logic is that he's about to get suspended, which would likely trigger a by-election anyway, so he'd rather do it in his own terms.

Funny thing is that winning this self-imposed by-election doesn't necessarily stop the recall election from happening shortly thereafter. He's just as likely to get suspended if he wins again, and it still only takes 10% of the electorate to be pissed off with him to trigger it again.

Maybe he'd win both contests, but I could also see the people of Clacton deciding that he's become a liability and opting for e.g. a Restore candidate instead.

Honestly I'm wondering if this is his way of trying to make an exit but saving some face and blaming the establishment?

Can people start throwing milk-based beverages at him again please. That was a better timeline.

👏MILK 👏SHAKE! 👏MILK 👏SHAKE!

Jumping before he gets pushed? Although probably with every intention of jumping back in again once the dust has settled as the leader of "Remake UK" or similar to keep the grift going.

Or maybe he will try and go down fighting and use this to do a big Trumpian rant about it all being a big conspiracy. He does seem a bit unstable currently.

There's still money to grift he won't back off

He's got an excellent opportunity to pull a Budd Dwyer for us all. G'wan Big Nige, take a nice shot.

I wish him a peaceful retirement, like Dermot Morgan.

Will he be an hero?