The Onion and other satire w/ layers

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[–] huppakee@lemmy.world 16 points 4 months ago

Just in: fifa doubles the double points for the US. O ehm, and -1 if you play against the US. Also red cards for everybody who's not the US. Also free Fifa World Peace Price if you are president of the US. Go USA!

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[–] albbi@piefed.ca 10 points 4 months ago

rofl. lmao even.

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[–] adj16@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

🥲

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[–] BillyClark@piefed.social 35 points 4 months ago (4 children)

What World Cup soccer really needs is to be more like quidditch from Harry Potter. In quidditch, they have a golden snitch, and catching it ends the game and immediately awards that team the equivalent of 15 goals.

Only, instead of a golden snitch, they have FIFA president Gianni Infantino, and instead of catching him, they just have the country leaders of the respective teams try to call Infantino on the phone. And whoever he decides to answer, their team gets 15 goals and the game instantly ends.

Just like in Harry Potter, quidditch was made to make Harry Potter the only important person, this new rule would make Donald Trump and Gianni Infantino the only important people in soccer.

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[–] frank@sopuli.xyz 24 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Man, Quidditch is such a garbage theoretical game lol

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[–] BillyClark@piefed.social 22 points 4 months ago (1 child)

I remember from the first time I read about the golden snitch in the books, I was like, "Oh, fuck off."

The worst part is that the game is a legitimate game if you just take the snitch out and add time periods. It's flying soccer where there are additional magic balls trying to knock the shit out of everybody.

That means that Rowling knew what she was doing. She created a real game, and then ruined it on purpose.

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[–] IAMgROOT@lemmy.wtf 5 points 4 months ago

to be honest the snitch was required or the entire sport would be filled with gymbros like american football is

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[–] IAMgROOT@lemmy.wtf 1 point 4 months ago

We need two foals that will absolutely RAM into everyone and four foal controllers with hay and a makeshift saddle on each team

and the snitch can be a jumping spider

the seeker was created so the sport wasnt actually just dominated by beefcakes and gymbros but had actual strategy

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[–] 0_o7@lemmy.dbzer0.com 6 points 4 months ago

"US team and fans get to bring guns to the game."

Yeehaw!!

[–] Alexstarfire@lemmy.world 10 points 4 months ago (2 children)

We need the equivalent of a three point line added to soccer.

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[–] Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 9 points 4 months ago

Make it so if the goalie scores, it's worth 5 points.

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[–] bitchkat@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

They had that in one of the professional indoor soccer leagues in the late 80s/early 90s. I believe it was the CISL (Continental Indoor Soccer League). I didn't like it at all.

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[+] switcheroo@lemmy.world -8 points 4 months ago (3 children)

What the fuck???

Stop letting this shithole get away with everything!!! Stop caving to fascists! You KNOW that never works!