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Discussion: when to talk to daughter about street harassment, etc (piefed.world)
submitted 4 months ago by to c/womensstuff@piefed.blahaj.zone
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At what age would you have that talk with your daughter so she's not surprised by street harassment and treatment by men around her body? And any comments or insights on how would be good too.

UPDATE
Thanks everyone for your comments and insights. I had a little chat with her before she went out today. I used some of your words like "if someone makes you feel unsafe then they are not safe to be around". I advised her to ignore and move on and if necessary seek the safety of the nearest woman, they are just likely to understand if you say you don't feel safe even if you don't know why.

Really appreciate you all here, thanks for helping.

all 19 comments

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[–] 14 points 4 months ago (14 children)

I would say before she is going out without a trusted adult, whatever age that is. It's not an easy conversation to have, but it is necessary for safety.

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  • [–] [S] 6 points 4 months ago (13 children)

    That's around 9yo though, that's for sure too early.

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  • [–] 17 points 4 months ago* (2 children)

    It’s not, I’ve had several talks with my kid about this through their life so far and they’re around that age.

    They need to know that not every adult is safe. That there are adults that want to hurt them. This is the truth regardless of gender.

    Internet safety is a big one. Also teaching what to do if someone tries to pick them up, if someone wants to know more about them or if they feel uncomfortable, etc.

    I talk about how different groups of people are sometimes treated differently in our society. This includes how women are treated. What slurs are and why they’re harmful.

    It’s all part of a larger conversation about the truths of our world. At 9 years old, they probably have already picked up on some of this. Maybe start with asking what they perceive about this already if anything?

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  • [–] [S] 3 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    Oh yeah we've talked about adults and safety and how groups of people are treated differently and all that. I'm specifically talking about street harassment and creeps.

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  • [–] 13 points 4 months ago

    In my experience, not too early. I think that's when my mom talked to me about it.

    Side note: men (if your reading this), you got to speak up when the guy next to you misbehaves. It's bonkers to let it happen in front of you and do nothing.

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  • [–] 11 points 4 months ago (2 children)

    If she's old enough to be out on the street alone, then she needs to know the risks and how to stay safe. She doesn't need to know graphic details yet, and you don't need to communicate an attitude of fear, just that people who comment on her body or who are too interested in her are not safe to be around.

    I was maybe 8 or 9 hanging out in the road in front of my house with a couple other neighborhood girls when a guy in a car started repeatedly driving back and forth and slowing down. Maybe he was looking for an address or maybe he was creeping on us, but we knew not to stick around and find out, so we vacated ASAP.

    I knew by that age to ignore catcalls and at all costs to avoid men who catcalled me or commented on my body. I didn't know exactly why until I was a little older but I knew it wasn't safe and I knew there was physical danger to myself involved.

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  • [–] [S] 5 points 4 months ago (1 child)

    It's so gross. Ok yeah maybe now is the time.

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  • [–] 2 points 4 months ago

    Yeah, I’d tack onto to this add that I have had similar experiences around that age. While I never got a parental talk about this specifically, I always had stranger danger drilled into me. The context of what was happening made more sense when I got a little older and seemed to just be an accepted thing that happened among my peers at the time.

    It felt really common and not a lot could be done about it as a kid and joking about the creepy old man on the bus or street was really all we could do.

    Granted, I am from a large city which has its own risks, but I imagine a familiar, trusting small town has its own flavor of problems. The most important part is your kid feeling comfortable talking to you, having the support needed to emotionally process the events when they occur, and being unafraid to speak up if they have to.

    Good luck.

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    • [–] 12 points 4 months ago (2 children)

    This is a great question thanks for asking it! I don't have kids. Main thing I'd say is I was 12 when started getting adult men asking me on dates, pulling over and trying to talk me into their car etc. It's worse now with social media and stuff. Sad thing is I'd say maybe raise it by the time they're using social media

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    • [–] 7 points 4 months ago

    It started before puberty for me. Maybe around age 8 to be safe.

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