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[–] 23 points 1 year ago (47 children)

...with weapons? Of course.

Unarmed? Fuck, no.

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  • [–] 31 points 1 year ago (24 children)

    Unarmed? Absolutely. Humans are uniquely capable harassers. A gorilla would get winded after a short while and overheat not long after. The question isn’t whether the humans win, the question is how many people will die before the people start getting free shots at a barely conscious horizontal ape.

    Unless the gorilla is windmill arming and people are just walking into the grinder, it’s always a win.

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  • [–] -4 points 1 year ago (19 children)

    Really? And what exactly is a human naturally equipped with, that can do any kind of damage to a gorilla? Lol!

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  • [–] 10 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    I don’t mean to be crass, but how does a hyena begin eating an antelope?

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  • [+] -9 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    Lol! Are you suggesting that a human could do actual damage to a gorilla...by biting it?

    A hyena has long, sharp teeth and a bite strength that can crush bone. Humans regularly break their teeth eating candy.

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  • [–] 7 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    Fingers, arms and teeth?

    Assuming the gorilla was successfully exhausted, you can continuously rip fur from it. Or you can bite it - human teeth and our jaw muscle are strong enough to go reasonably deep. That takes a lot of time though.

    Or, provided you are able to coordinate properly, 10 people can hold down the exhausted gorilla which would allow the remaining people to strangle it by sitting on his neck or something. The jaw could probably be held shut by a single person since jaw muscles suck at opening the jaw.

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  • [+] -9 points 1 year ago

    All we would do, is break our hands, feet and teeth trying to do any kind of damage. Meanwhile, a gorilla can crush your skull with a single swat, or break your femur by simply squeezing and twisting its wrist. It wouldn't even require enough energy to eventually get exhausted.

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  • [–] -3 points 1 year ago (10 children)

    No one is saying that you're just chucking a Gorilla and a Human/group of humans into a ring.

    if the human/humans know that they will be fighting a Gorilla then they can fashion weapons and strategies.

    A single human could easily kill a gorilla if they could choose the time and place of the engagement.

    It's how we became the dominant species on the planet

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  • [–] 9 points 1 year ago (5 children)

    The premise is and has always been 100 unarmed humans (I think men, specifically).

    That is exactly what everyone has been saying the whole time. 100 unarmed humans in a ring with 1 gorilla.

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  • [–] 0 points 1 year ago (4 children)

    I've not heard unarmed being specified. but that's not how humans fight.

    You could start unarmed and then improvise a weapon

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  • [–] 5 points 1 year ago* (3 children)

    Right, I don't know how you missed it, it's been unarmed the whole time. It's built into the premise of the original viral post.

    It's a hypothetical. What you're saying right now doesn't matter. The hypothetical premise has always been "unarmed". Look it up lol.

    Edit: i looked it up and cannot find the "original hypothetical premise" I claimed existed, so, fuck me.

    That being said.. yeah. One man with a weapon bodies a gorilla. People are so fucking stupid.

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  • [–] 13 points 1 year ago (18 children)

    100 men can't take on one Gorilla? It'd only take a few to strategize and chase it to exhaustion.

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  • [+] -7 points 1 year ago (17 children)

    And then what? Slap it to death? Tell it unbearable jokes until it kills itself? Even exhausted, a gorilla could kill you with a casual backhand. What could you do, in return?

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  • [–] 11 points 1 year ago (7 children)

    Don't let it rest or sleep until it collapses from exhaustion. Humans have been persistence hunters for a long time. With 100 men that becomes a job of taking shifts shouting and running around. Early on the gorilla may catch some of the men, as it tires it becomes less effective. If the humans are allowed to pick up sticks, stones or even mud, the job becomes easier and safer. Once the gorilla passes out you can either declare the fight won, or move onto the grizzly business of killing it either by strangulation or wounding.

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  • [–] -2 points 1 year ago (4 children)

    How would you even do that? What possible action could you take against a gorilla, that would lead to its exhaustion? Even if it fell asleep, and ten people jumped on it all at once (because there wouldn't be enough room for all 100 to approach)...it would wake up just long enough to kill them all, before rolling over again, and going back to sleep.

    Or it could just sit and wait patiently, for the humans to do nothing. Stalemate.

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  • [–] 4 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    There's one gorilla and 100 men. With 30 men per shift you have enough people to harrass the gorilla with loud noises, feints and just being a potential threat. Don't let it eat, drink or sleep for a few days and it'll likely drop from dehydration if nothing else. Even if it gets water, the average western lowland gorilla needs to eat around 20kg of vegetation per day. I suppose it would depend on where this confrontation took place, but it should be possible to distract it and prevent it eating for some time.

    If the contestants, gorilla and human alike, are allowed to pick up and use things in the environment, then it really is game over for the gorilla as it runs from a hail of sticks, stones, mud and anything else the humans can lay their hands on.

    A gorilla has a fearsome turn of speed over short distances, but, from what I can find out, even if they slow down close to human walking speed it can only go a few miles before needing to rest. If the humans are allowed use their environment to harrass the gorilla they can kerp it moving long past the point it would choose to stop, and they'll eventually wear it down to the point it can't defend itself.

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  • [–] -3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    I can see how making noise might keep it awake, but how will you stop it from eating and drinking? It can basically ignore you, no matter how many people are with you, and just go about its business as if you weren't even there. If you try to physically prevent it from doing anything, you are automatically going to be within striking distance...which means instant death to anyone who tries.

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  • [–] 3 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    Stopping it eating or drinking would involve being a constant low grade threat that it has to spend time and energy monitoring. Gorillas normally live in groups which means that while one is on lookout duty the others can feed in peace. A single gorilla being constantly harassed by what is comparatively huge group of humans would find itself in a constant state of fight-or-flight.

    If the humans were ineffective at stopping it drinking in particular, or finding hydrating food, the contest could end up going on for a very long time.

    Obviously, a lot depends on the exact rules and location of the encounter. If it's in the gorilla's prefered forests and the humans can't use the environment, it'll be a stalemate. If it's somewhere enclosed, so the humans can't escape, the gorilla wins. If it's somewhere reasonably open, with less food, the humans could wear the gorilla down. If both sides can use the environment it swings it further towards the humans by overwhealming numbers throwing things.

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  • [–] 8 points 1 year ago (8 children)

    If it can kill you backhanded it's not exhausted enough. I don't think you're thinking savagely enough.

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  • [–] -1 points 1 year ago (7 children)

    What would you even do, to make it exhausted? In the wild, gorillas are not afraid of people. They just sit there looking at you, until you get on their nerves. There's nothing you or a hundred people could do to tire it out, if it simply chooses not to move.

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  • [+] 3 points 1 year ago* (4 children)
  • [–] 1 point 1 year ago (3 children)

    I'm a father, with plenty of experience around small children. What's exhausting, is the effort you put into not losing your patience when they're being annoying. If I didn't give a shit what happened to them, I wouldn't have lost a minute's worth of sleep.

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  • [+] 2 points 1 year ago (2 children)
  • [–] 0 points 1 year ago (1 child)

    Like I said, if I wasn't concerned about hurting them...then there wouldn't be 100 of them for very long. It wouldn't take a lot of effort to mow through them, as soon as they got within reach. It's not like they pose much threat to a full-grown adult. The worst that you'd get are some scratches.

    It would be no different for a gorilla against people. We don't stand a chance. We're just physically incapable of doing much damage, without weapons.

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  • [–] 12 points 1 year ago (2 children)

    Humans literally evolved to use tools, it’s like asking a tiger to hunt without using their claws. Taking tools away from humans is not making them equal to the animal they are hunting, it’s handicapping them.

    If you want to make them equal then the fight is 1 v 1 and the human has tools.

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  • [–] 2 points 1 year ago

    Gorillas are apes, just like us. They didn't evolve to use claws or fangs...or tools. Just sheer, brute strength. We cannot compete with that, any more than we can against a tiger.

    Which is why I said what I said...weapons? Yes. Unarmed? No.

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