😬
That's like...a normal thing, right? Right?? Cause you can see if you made a mistake, if you actually said what you wanted to say and not some gibberish instead...right?? I'm normal, aren't I???

TMI, trauma tangentI have...bad thoughts. Sometimes. Well, pretty often. They're the kind of thoughts that people who went through horrible things sometimes have. Thoughts that...are supposed to make them "feel in control" of what's happened to them, if I understand it correctly.

But...I don't remember anything. I don't think I have any trauma. As hard as I try to search my memory, nothing comes up. Nothing like that, nothing traumatizing. Nothing "bad". And that's why it doesn't make sense to me. I don't know why I'm like this.

I mean the only thing I remember is my step-dad very briefly groping my ass when we were getting off the subway when I was younger, but that's it. And I don't even feel any trauma from that. Nothing bad happened to me. And still they won't stop...

I should get a therapist...

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] 4 points 11 hours ago* (last edited 11 hours ago) (1 child)

About the tangent you mentioned:

Tap for spoilerI completely relate. I can't think of any trauma but i used to have episodes of really bad thoughts. Barely anymore. I wouldn't know how to teach you to stop that because it wasn't one single thing, it was a whole journey that i'm still on. It's might also not apply to you very well. But I can give you some things to consider:

  • trauma is not just something terrible that happened to you. It could just be a small negative interaction that as an adult you wouldn't think twice about, but as an impressionable, clueless kid it really stays with you
  • it can also be what didn't happen. Maybe you didn't get the time and attention you needed. Or you got praised for being "mature and uncomplicated" which actually meant "thanks for hiding you needs and problems so i don't have to deal with it" so you never had anyone to rely on
  • Bad thoughts tend to completely take over because they always seem important or interesting. If you do some introspection you might find they are just silly. Once you understand and truly believe that, you can just decide not to have them
  • For me that last point was heavily tied to my self esteem. For that it helped me a lot to contrast some thoughts but looking through a mirror and see how an interaction would be with the roles reversed. e.g. you thought you were rude to someone but with the roles reversed you wouldn't think anything of the same interaction

i'd be more than happy to discuss this at length if you're interested

  • source
  • hideshow 1 child comment
  • [–] 1 point 4 hours ago

    Yeppp

    Tap for spoilerI didn't realize how much my parents unhappy marriage screwed me up until I was older because it was all I knew. Much less my father's npd, which I only even considered when my ex told me I react to things like the child of a narcissist. In many ways my childhood had a lot of good, but the bad screwed me up enough I need professional help (currently receiving it) to fix.

  • source
  • parent