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That's like...a normal thing, right? Right?? Cause you can see if you made a mistake, if you actually said what you wanted to say and not some gibberish instead...right?? I'm normal, aren't I???

TMI, trauma tangentI have...bad thoughts. Sometimes. Well, pretty often. They're the kind of thoughts that people who went through horrible things sometimes have. Thoughts that...are supposed to make them "feel in control" of what's happened to them, if I understand it correctly.

But...I don't remember anything. I don't think I have any trauma. As hard as I try to search my memory, nothing comes up. Nothing like that, nothing traumatizing. Nothing "bad". And that's why it doesn't make sense to me. I don't know why I'm like this.

I mean the only thing I remember is my step-dad very briefly groping my ass when we were getting off the subway when I was younger, but that's it. And I don't even feel any trauma from that. Nothing bad happened to me. And still they won't stop...

I should get a therapist...

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[–] 3 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 16 hours ago)

I'm the opposite actually. My instinctive reaction to abuse is to try to appease, and not having the person I'm talking to in front of me to gauge how they're feeling has a tendency to drive me nuts. If I can't look at someone's face while I'm communicating with them my brain immediately assumes they hate me. I'll go through everything I wrote looking for the most cruel interpretation of my own words I can come up with and think about it so much I'll start wondering if that isn't what I actually meant.

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