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After taking rule for the first time... [CW: slightly offensive, CW: depiction of "incels"] (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 1 day ago by ShadowOfMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/onehundredninetysix@lemmy.blahaj.zone

NSFW 10 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Oh my god 😭
I can't say I was ever short, but this is kinda totally my case...

very TMI, Miisha loredump

I used to think I was into girls...sorta. From 12 until like 15 years old, I honestly believed that. Not that I was attracted to them, but rather I envied them (I know that now, lol). Still, I felt like liking girls was the "correct" thing to do. My mom sure wanted me to get a gf. Every single guy around me was talking about their attraction to girls. And I just thought I had to...

I asked a couple of them out. Or, I tried to. It never really worked. I think they kinda hated me, cause I was a textbook nerdy incel, lol. Never wore glasses tho...
It was so bad that I was only friends with like one or two girls. And I can't blame them, I was fucking awful at the time...

But then, when I was about 15 years old, I started purposefully building a yaoi collection in my free time. It's a massive folder now, even tho I no longer use it. It was summer and me and my best friend at the time decided to play truth or dare. Playing a cheap CSGO clone on our phones, we decided the winner tops the loser. And well...I lost completely on purpose.

And that was my first time, ever. With a guy, nonetheless. At 15, with my "best friend". It wasn't special, there was no fanfare, it was just a stupid dare we thought would be funny. Today, I know the guy is a bigoted, hateful asshole who's dating a TERF and they both hate my guts for being trans, but it was...an experience.

And after that, I completely gave up on forcing myself to like girls. I finally admitted to myself that I like men and men only. I started being much more comfortable in their presence, I started noticing them more and I started...fantisizing...about them, about sleeping with them.

And ofc, years later I met my lovely boyfriend and I started HRT, meaning the progesterone makes me want nothing more than to be pinned down and take men's cocks, over and over and over again until I can't walk straight 😂

But yeah...I still remember my first time. And I just wish it could've been on HRT already, so that it would have been more special. And I also kinda wish it would've been with a person that doesn't hate my existence :P

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[–] ShadowOfMiisha@lemmy.blahaj.zone [S] 10 points 1 day ago

No problem! I just felt like getting it out. It helps to do that, every once in a while.
Thanks girlie 💜

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