We created a totally secure and definitely unguessable (Probably Unique)™ identifier system - an MD5 hash of FirstnameLastname-DOB

Oh also with this new totally flawless system, you're now legally obligated to recite I'm full your (Probably Unique)™ 32-character hash to any ICE agents who request it. Failure to do so will result in detainment.

For immigrants, we will happily tattoo your (Probably Unique)™ hash on your wrist for your convenience.