Hi.

I'm M18. I've been rotting in my room for an entire year after high school ended. My parents want me to go to college but I can't make myself focus on studying no matter how much effort I put into it.

I don't know what degree I want, and I don't know if I even want to do anything at all. I've been battling with depression since 12 and I just can't see a path forward. My mind keeps making excuses for why I shouldn't do things, even though I know for sure that I should be pulling my shit together ASAP. My parents can't afford to have me being a dead weight forever, and I know I'm wasting my time, BUT I JUST CAN'T MAKE MYSELF DO ANYTHING

I'm autistic and have a bunch of sensibilities. I've tried finding jobs around me (rural Brazil) but most of them are manual work and I'm not entirely suited for that stuff (sorry if it sounds like I'm making excuses). I'm still looking but so far I've had no luck.

I'm studying the possibility of moving out to live with my dad somewhere else, but so far that's not happening.

TL;DR: common post-high-school panic

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[–] 7 points 3 days ago* (1 child)

If the idea of studying for a degree is entirely unappealing, then don't do it. You are more likely to waste money and time on it than to actually get any value from it.

My first suggestion would be to learn a trade. We have far too few people in the trades, and they are often some of the lowest bars of entry, and your upfront costs for educations are far lower and pay for themselves quickly. Something hands on, interesting to you and no where near as academic as college. You could apprentice as an electrician, plumber, or hvac installer or go to school for culinary arts, welding, cosmetics, drafting, etc. These forms of education may be more interesting as you are actually doing something while learning, and you can often walk out with a certification and a job offer.

If trade school isn't your direction, or maybe you'll do more education someday, but not now, get a job immediately. Any job, don't be picky. You can immediately job hop to a better opportunity when you find it. But don't sit at home doing nothing while waiting to find a satisfying job. There is good reason for that. It is WAY too easy to fall into a cycle of depression, self-disrespect, and feeling stuck when you do nothing for a long time. Been there done it.

I chose work over classes in college because I was broke. Failed out and moved back in with my mom. Lived in BFE, Tennessee for over 3 years, and had employment for about 4 months of that. My mom decided she was moving and I wasn't coming with her. Moved in with my dad and before I could get stuck in a new routine, I found a job washing dishes. And two weeks later I was hired for a factory job with better pay and benefits. A few years and a few job hops later, I was working in IT, back in school again to finally get my degree, and married. 12 years ago I was getting kicked out of my mom's house after 3 years of mostly unemployment. Now I'm 4.5 years into being an engineer, own a home, and have a wife, a daughter, and another on the way. And all of that started with getting a dish washing job at Steak n Shake. So I mean it. Don't be picky.

My point is this: stay active and gain independence as quickly as possible. Do not let yourself fall into a rut or it may take someone else giving you the boot to get back out of it. Get that shitty job. Pivot that into getting a less shitty job. Gain independence. Have your own life that you earn. And plans can and will change. If you decide to go to school later you can. If you can get a better job, do. And find a good, smart, and stable partner to share the load with. It makes things so much easier. But that does mean you need to be a good partner for them too, so keep working on you to earn them.

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  • [–] [S] 4 points 3 days ago

    This really means a lot to me, so thanks man.

    My first suggestion would be to learn a trade. We have far too few people in the trades, and they are often some of the lowest bars of entry, and your upfront costs for educations are far lower and pay for themselves quickly. Something hands on, interesting to you and no where near as academic as college. You could apprentice as an electrician, plumber, or hvac installer or go to school for culinary arts, welding, cosmetics, drafting, etc. These forms of education may be more interesting as you are actually doing something while learning, and you can often walk out with a certification and a job offer.

    I agree, yeah. I'm not sure if it makes sense, but trades seem much less "otherworldly" to me than college degrees, in a way. Maybe because they're more practical, like you said.

    Again, thank you so much. I actually saved your comment for future reference.

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