None of those have been successful for various reasons (I think primarily because they all sound like they'd be a total nightmare to set up and maintain).

As soon as uv provides an alternative implementation so you can just run uv run --but-fast I think it will become popular.

I would not be at all surprised if they are secretly working on a faster Python implementation. They own all of the non-shit Python tooling, they have unlimited tokens now, they aren't afraid of vibe coding. Why not?