You can't go back in time and undo meeting your then-partner, because then your kids wouldn't exist

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[–] [S] 9 points 2 weeks ago (12 children)

Just being divorced with kids in general is such a hard concept. How do you reconcile the regret with the not-regret?

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  • [–] 11 points 2 weeks ago (7 children)

    Depends how you feel about the kids I suspect.

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  • [–] 15 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

    And the ex. I don't hate my ex wife. I don't want to be married to her but I don't hate her. Fortunately we never had kids because I sensed early on that would be a bad idea, and I haven't seen her in years. But after our divorce I helped her with a car loan (which was stupid as fuck but it worked out fine), and took in her dogs when the city was considering checks and she was behind on rabies shots. I loved her and I wish her happiness. But we brought out the worst in each other and were toxic together.

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  • [–] 6 points 2 weeks ago (1 child)

    This is me now. Were currently going through this. Sadly we do have 2 kids. I just see us as toxic and have tried for a few years now to make it work and improve, but ultimately I can't take her actions. It's like living with someone with a gambling addiction but for shopping. I don't get her share of the mortgage money for months and it's only excuses and somehow my fault. Now that I want this and not backing down it's also my fault were going through this. All I keep saying is I still love you, but I can't be with you anymore. House foreclosure, bankruptcy, and you would think she gets it? Nope the final straw was her taking the kids without me to get a dog... a dog when we have no money! And also without my approval! Thankfully I was able to contact the place before pickup and let them know. They even said its mandatory all people in the family be there but she lied and said i had work. They were shocked. I knew right then she will never change and have to save my future.

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  • [–] [S] 4 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

    I like to believe that once you have kids, there's a narcissism switch with shifts your wants/needs to their wants/needs, but I've seen this not happen too many times than I'd like to count, so you're probably right

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  • [–] 9 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

    You just live with it. I hate that my kid’s father is who he is, but I can’t change it now. I made the best decision I could with the information I had at the time.

    I wouldn’t have left my kid’s dad if I hadn’t become a mother. It took seeing how he treated me through my child’s eyes to realize I couldn’t model a relationship like that without seriously damaging my kid.

    So you just live with it shrug

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  • [–] [S] 6 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

    It's amazing how we grow by considering ourselves through the lens of others. I wish I could have supported my mother more during her divorce with my dad

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  • [–] 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 child)

    Just being her kid was enough support, I promise :)

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  • [–] [S] 5 points 2 weeks ago

    Don't know. We were very firmly on "team dad" at the time, as he seemed the least emotional about it. Only later we realised what a lying sociopath he actually was....

    But we're all good now, and she got us back, and we're all the better for it

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