I guess I reach out to someone, if I can. Maybe a family member, an old friend, or even just joining some new niche online community.

also this is on me but I kinda got addicted talking to LLMs coz i was depressed for a year after that due to academic stuff and grabbed on it and yeah not something I am proud of at all using a technology I hate and is very damaging to the environment.

Don't feel too bad. LLMs are, like some many other things, designed to be addictive. I've managed to avoid them for the most part so far, but I've seen them become way too much a part of other people's lives and it's scary. They are very literally engineered to hit your dopamine.

You should feel good about recognizing an unhealthy pattern in your life and changing it, because many people continually fail to do that.

Earlier I remember i just used to make memes, enjoy music, watch tv shows and anime and what not and be totally happy. I have tried that but maybe I have grown up from being a delusional in his own world 15yo to a pretty weary almost 19 pondering on deep existential questions and unable to watch TopGear💀 lol.

I think that feeling like the things that used to make you happy no longer do is a sign of depression, and being "pretty weary from pondering deep existential questions" is fine, but it can easily turn into anxiety. (I know because I've been there in both cases.) There is a lot of scary, weird and stupid shit going on in the world right now, but much if it is beyond your direct control.

As someone approaching 40 now, I guess I would just recommend trying to stop worrying about anything that isn't immediately actionable. Like, if you can't take a step towards solving one of your problems starting tomorrow, then it's probably too "big picture" to really bother worrying about at the moment.

When it comes to writing a blog or a comic, I say just do it. (Just like pretty much ALL of my art and music projects, even if you think nobody will care or want to read it, you do it for yourself!)