Parents have two options
- Pass on the traumas their parents gave them
- Work really hard on their mental/emotional health, be very self aware, make sure they maintain a balanced outlook on life, view their children as independent beings that deserve love and respect, and give their kids brand new traumas the parents didn't even think of
That's why my wife and I chose to remain childless. That's also why we make ourselves available as extra adults in our community. We support those who are parents by working with them, but also providing another perspective in how to do things for the children of those parents.
For example, my sister told my niece, who is very shy, to "go hug Uncle and Auntie". I replied quickly "That's okay, she can hug me when she's ready". It's a very small thing, but can have lasting benefit for the child's feeling of autonomy. It also reinforces the idea that affection is gifted, not owed.
Anyway, yeah, generational trauma is a bitch