377
I have no reason to deceive you. (lemmy.world)
submitted 2 months ago by to c/memes@lemmy.world
109 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] 3 points 2 months ago (7 children)

Nah, those are just the eyes of a true narcissist. I know one and can clock that look a mile away.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 7 child comments
    •
  • [–] 6 points 2 months ago* (6 children)

    Two things can be true. And if this is dissociation, a challenge to her self-image could have easily done it.

    I found myself isolated to a relationship for 18ish years with one. I could write a book on narcissistic personality disorder. That's why I sent it to my friends who are professionals in this. I thought I recognized it.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 6 child comments
    •
  • [–] 2 points 2 months ago (5 children)

    That makes sense I've learned the "BPD stare" by having experiences that make it terrifying for me.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 5 child comments
    •
  • [–] 1 point 2 months ago (4 children)

    Yep. It's a trauma response, basically removes her conscious awareness to protect herself. Essentially prevents compounding exisiting trauma.

    Personality disorders run in families, but are almost always environmentally caused - abused parent with PD abuses child who develops PD. But even then, the abuse can be caused by others too.

    The little I know about her history - her family was obsessed with the status/wealth they were legacy to. Presumably, they could have traumatized her into believing wealth by any means necessary was the only way she would get the care her inner child needed.

    As part of that - the narcissist would then be completely enveloped in awareness of their image and how others perceived them. They accepted no flaw, and if they could not fix a weakness, they found a way to avoid that flaw all together. Their ENTIRE identity then revolves around something they project on to others. They withdraw completely when faced with something they cannot use cognitive dissonance and blame to avoid. That means they usually LACK self-identity at all.

    Its REALLY sad if you think about it. But the damage they do to other people isn't ignorable. They are horrible in the way they treat and perceive others.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 4 child comments
    •
  • [–] 2 points 2 months ago (3 children)

    Yeah I have a history of disassociation as well (yay cptsd), but I've noticed a particular way it looks in cluster b folks, and it's more clear the less healthy they are. (A friend who underwent enough dbt to have it be hard to tell she has bpd didn't have the look at all.) I think it's partly that they're disassociating anticipatorally and in situations where they're going in and out.

    And yeah BPD and NPD are really similar in a lot of ways. My father is a narcissist and he had a violent childhood that drove him to seek status and control. Very similarly the BPD folks I've got scars from had rough childhoods as well, even the one who lied about every aspect of her past. They struggle with identity and self care and struggle to deal with distress without disassociating or attacking.

    I'm sympathetic to cluster b folks, I'm incredibly grateful I managed to leave my childhood without being one of them. I wish them all great treatment and can be friends with many once they've gotten control of themselves and their emotions and are mostly asymptomatic. And I feel awful for the burdens their diagnoses and conditions leave on them throughout life. But also I can't be the damage left behind in their wakes anymore.

    If anyone with a cluster b personality disorder is reading this or anyone reading this feels like they might have one, DBT works when you commit to it and do all the work. It'll be slow and it'll hurt, but it saves lives especially for people with bpd. It can give you the tools to stop hurting yourself and others. Those of us who've been hurt by folks with cluster b disorders want the people with them to heal and learn to stop hurting people.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 3 child comments
    •
  • [–] 1 point 2 months ago (2 children)

    You're last statement there is why I speak up about it. They can get help. They need to get help. For all the victims it can save. If these things are just discussed as blanket "sociopaths can't be cured" then we just enable the abuse of more victims.

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 2 child comments
    •
  • [–] 1 point 2 months ago (1 child)

    Yeah it's why I'm so vocal about it too. I've seen multiple friends deal with long term trauma from the same person. And I also watched them start improving, and they seem a lot better last I ran into them. But I do also want to call out that it's also about saving their lives, because for all the damage done, I do want what's best for them. Up to 10% of people with BPD will die by suicide, treatment in bpd focused therapy reduces the risk. NPD is less established in both risk and effectiveness (in large part because they're way less likely to seek treatment or be honest with medical professionals)

    But yeah, best of luck with your healing. Part of me really wishes there was a community on here for recovering from abuse by folks in the cluster b, parents, partners, and otherwise

  • permalink
  • fedilink
  • source
  • parent
  • hideshow 1 child comment
    •