I was more referring to the fact that friendship doesn't exist in my world. When I try to make friends with straight men, they're mostly confused. They're not really interested in talking or sharing their lives with another man, they just might want to kill time. All they're really interested is in a woman to have sex with, and it's pretty obvious the moment they find one because they completely disappear.

I'm not sure the effect of social pressure there. Is there a genuinely felt pressure to mate or is it more that they think having any kind of emotional bond with a man is gay (and therefore bad)?, leaving a single woman the only person that will enable them to perform their full humanity?

So with no men wanting to be my friends, and women all avoiding me because I would eventually want to have sex with them probably, that really leaves me with a girlfriend as the only person in the world who will take me halfway seriously. I've never been disappointed to get into a relationship before in my life, but I was this time. "Well, shit, here we go again, someone to tell me they love me until they don't anymore and they switch to texting me once-a-year on my birthday." I didn´t want a girlfriend. I wanted a friend, or a friend group.

I think I'm done with therapy. "It's easier to become a good therapist than to find a good one," so I'm doing some reading and pondering.

Thanks for being my friend.