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when you are arguing but then other person claims to have agreed the whole time and asking why you are acting like there's a disagreement (lemmy.dbzer0.com)
submitted 1 year ago by to c/adhd@lemmy.world
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When I challenge something the other person said then they get upset and we start arguing. But then they change their position to agree with me. And claim to have held the same position as I do from the start.

So now I am the asshole for arguing when we agree on everything!!

Everybody has ADHD and I don't think it's on purpose. I just won the argument very thoroughly and this is what it looks like. I feel like I have to get a written record of what the other person is saying before I respond so they don't accuse me of starting an argument over literally nothing.

(And I have 3rd party witness who confirms my view of the situation is not skewed.)

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[–] 12 points 1 year ago (5 children)

I mean there is he dialectic. I have had arguments were as the person restates their meaning it sorta seems like we are saying the same thing but there is some nuance on language that we seem to be hung up on. Like it seems the idea is the same but we just can't rely on the appropriate language to express it. Its hard to describe because it only happens once in awhile and I will sometimes be like. You know we are sorta saying the same thing but oftentimes the person just gets more annoyed and will sorta double down on the language and usually I just give up at that point.

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  • [–] 7 points 1 year ago

    most arguments happen because of silly semantics. that's why debate clubs and courtrooms start every discussion with word definitions, so they can skip the 3h argument that ends in "side A understood [the word] differently from side B. and it turned out there wasn't any actual conflict as both sides agreed with each other when that was cleared up". well, the argument sometimes gets skipped, but honestly, it's just as likely to morph into an argument about the definition

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  • [–] [S] 3 points 1 year ago (3 children)

    in this case we WERE disagreeing. but basically I was right so the other person changed their position. which is what I wanted, except then they immediately forget that they held the opposing position but we are still in an argument when that happens so it must be my fault for starting the argument over nothing.

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  • [–] 8 points 1 year ago* (2 children)

    You changed their mind. You won.

    Wasn't that the point of the argument, or was the point for someone to shower you with congratulations?

    Take the victory. You know what happened, and if the other person doesn't want to acknowledge it, you can't control that, so just remember what kind of person they are and move on.

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  • [–] [S] 1 point 1 year ago (1 child)

    I know. but by that time everybody already feels bad and it's my fault because I raised the initial disagreement which now never existed in the first place. So I just stirred up the whole situation out of nothing apparently.

    Since the actual issue is resolved, but everything is still escalated, then we just transition to arguing about who said what. Which is tiresome and pointless. And I am accused of lying when I am not. I don't like that and it's very difficult for me to deescalate.

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