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This is a trap (lemmy.dbzer0.com)
submitted 3 months ago by to c/Memes@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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[–] 11 points 3 months ago (9 children)

Men are told to open up about their feelings, but are then rendered unsexy once they do. I've had it happen to me, my friends have had it happen to them. It's a thing.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago (8 children)

    I'm not denying it happens. Personally, I'd rather have someone be honest about not being the right partner for me than to pretend and break both of our hearts later when the relationship inevitably crashes and burns.

    Being supportive and honest is better overall.

    Dating is tricky and it's very individualistic. You're not dating women as a group, you're trying to find a partner. And hopefully that partner is empathetic and caring and supportive and ready for a relationship at the same time you are.

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  • [–] 3 points 3 months ago (7 children)

    Yeah I know and agree. I said that she was an asshole because she didn't fight the knee-jerk reaction that I've seen many women demonstrate at the sight of a "weak" man.

    You'd think that, after feminist discourse being mainstream for a decade plus now, men would feel safer about sharing their traumas. But here we are.

    For the record, I call myself a feminist and don't think that she should've pretended anything. But in the same way men have expectations on women that we should know to question and overcome, so should women.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago

    This has happened to me twice. It's not always a kneejerk reaction. Sometimes those feelings just go away and they don't come back. We tried staying together and working on it but it just didn't work out. They were actually fine with the sexless state of things, it was me that had a problem with it.

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  • [–] 0 points 3 months ago (5 children)

    She listened and was super supportive. Helped me a lot talking with her about it. But she also said, right after, that she could not date me anymore.

    What knee jerk reaction? She was supportive and helped him.

    She didn't owe him a relationship because he opened up to her. She owed him respect and support which she gave.

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  • [–] 3 points 3 months ago (4 children)

    I think both her and OP wanted to get more intimate than just friends, something that the woman in question changed her mind on once OP showed some weakness.

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  • [–] 2 points 3 months ago (3 children)

    You don’t know that she realized a relationship wouldn’t work because she felt he was weak for sharing. It could be that she has past trauma as well that wouldn’t mesh with his. There’s many possibilities here.

    The important thing is that she was supportive and honest. Can’t ask another person for more than that.

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  • [–] 4 points 3 months ago (2 children)

    I agree. All I'm saying is this: this is so commonplace that men still don't feel comfortable about sharing their traumas with their partners.

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