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Is there a safe way to say you don't like something? (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 3 months ago by to c/autism@lemmy.world
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I was talking with someone today and realized I did something I do quite often that might be a trait that gets me into trouble: I boldly state my preference for (or against) something.

In this case, it was being tired of classic rock from a lifetime of overexposure. I think I offended the person, but saved it by clarifying that I'm mostly tired that there is a play list of seemingly 100-songs that have been in continual rotation for 50 years.

Anyway, it occurs to me that I'm just stating my preferences and I personally thing that's fine and normal, but that people get personally offended if you don't like what they like; which makes no sense to me. It's like if you don't like bland food, I'm not going to get offended because I can't handle anything hotter than black pepper. It doesn't ultimately mean anything significant.

Thoughts, ideas, suggestions?

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[–] 2 points 3 months ago (4 children)

So... it does matter to them because they are looking to build connections with people and one of the ways we do that as humans is by talking together about things we both like.

So they get offended I think (I'm not sure) because they like the thing and they therefore attach it to their identity as a person, and because they feel snubbed that you didn't embrace their attempt to find common ground to build a relationship on.

I have a terrible habit of letting my mouth talk without thinking consciously about how people will react, and I've been burned by this in the past as a result. I tried to understand (when it was explained to me) but honestly, I'm mostly just going off what other people think here. If people are offended I generally view it as a them problem.

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  • [–] [S] 3 points 3 months ago (3 children)

    I guess I see liking things and not liking things as equally valid insights into who people are.

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  • [–] 1 point 3 months ago (2 children)

    Because it does give that type of valid and important insight. But... To them is like an attack. If you don't like their thing they automatically seem to view that dislike as you actively attacking their thing. I think it makes them feel bad for liking it maybe?

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  • [–] [S] 4 points 3 months ago (1 child)

    It's like the blind leading the blind here lol

    Yes, I think it's that some people think that connection is about superficial similarity, so they might think you're not going to like them if you don't like the same things they like.

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