Up to this point, remaking classic Disney animated classics in live action has been done for the purposes of imposing a 21st century Gender Studies major's sensibilities on them. Because you see, there's a problem with 1991's Beauty and the Beast. Sure, it was the third highest-grossing movie that year, it was the first animated film to gross over $100 million, it was the first animated film to win a Golden Globe for best animated picture and the first animated film nominated for the Academy Award for best picture...but you see, Belle wasn't enough of a feminist polymath and the Beast wasn't enough of a hateful incel, so it had to be redone from scratch.

Imposing 21st century Bachelor of Gender Studies sensibilities onto 20th century retellings of 16th century fairy tales has been the point. That's why Mulan is effortlessly perfect and Snow White is half-hispanic, because women can't learn to embrace their strengths or...be ethnically European. But Moana already had 21st century cynicism in it. Quoth Maui: "If you wear a dress, and you have an animal sidekick, you're a princess!" What about Moana - or any movie made since Lilo & Stitch - does the rainbow hair crowd have to fix?

So you end up with a shot-for-shot, line-for-line remake that isn't as colorful or stylized and thus an objectively inferior visual treat?

Can I have some of the Disney corporate cocaine? I've never had cocaine before and their behavior makes theirs sound great. Can I try it? I promise I'll make a Sleeping Beauty movie where Prince Charming is convicted of rape and Sleeping Beauty is played by Whoopi Goldberg.