Thank you for such a spot on reply! I feel understood!!! 😍

As I’ve gotten older my sense of ‘time’ has radically shifted. I know for sure I don’t have enough time to achieve all the great things I wish I could’ve strived for earlier. But I can keep busy with smaller goals, or unexpected moments, or meeting new people, or trying things out for a lark (rather than trying something Big and Meaningful right at the start and punishing myself for failing). This is indeed one of the things I'm struggling with. On days that I don't feel totally worthless, I'm trying to saturate my everyday and my heart with the small things: reading, talking to strangers, eating good food, listening to music, exercising. Somtimes it really makes me feel fullfilled, sometimes it doesn't, and when it doesn't, I start looking for happiness with a capital H...

Don’t underestimate depression, certainly seek treatment and relief for that, but know that this is a lull or a low and at some point you will find something fascinating again. 🫂 Emotional existential growing pains? You might need the morphine more later, might as well save it for Later-You. If there is one thing, one improvement I have made recently, it's being able to accept my depression and to take one day, one step at a time. With the antidepressants, I can at least get out of bed. Yeah, I'll save to morphine for a rainy day. 🤣

Travel would be great 🙂 Though I’m also reminded of the SNL parody commercial (TV comedy sketch) with Adam Sandler as a travel agent — “We can take you for a hike; we canNOT turn you into a person who likes hiking…” I had never seen this one before. It was great. I laughed hard. 🤣 But it also hit hard. Damn, why did they have to make it so poignant. 🤣

Thank you so much for your beautiful humanity!