That sounds a lot like walking a tightrope there buddy. You need someone who'll catch you if you fall.

I was only ever addicted to nicotine, haven't smoked in 10 years, but I know it in my gut that if I pick up a single cigarette I'll be right back to 1 pack a day in less than a week.

Everyone's different and some people can walk that fine line without crossing it, but the safest is to just stop, my friend.