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Is social interaction actually enjoyable or just socially required? (lemmy.zip)
submitted 5 months ago by to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml
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[โ€“] 7 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (5 children)

Even if you have bad mental health consequences interacting with ppl (in all or just select ways, eg groups above 3), you also get bad mental health consequences without socialising (that works over longer periods and can be bad), it's just how our bodies function. So if longevity is something of interest, then socializing is a must afaik.

Regarding all forms of communication - they are all limited at all times, only you have the context & pov of you. And still speech is one of humanity's greatest achievements simply bcs it's so much better at quick or detailed conveying of shitposts.

Performing and masking is just part of the interaction bcs regardless of socializing need we are very individual creatures (tho that could be part of society/culture), ie I might be motivated into you liking me so I filter, preform, mimic, etc what I think will get me that result - not as a manipulation necessarily, but as a limitation of how individuals can interact with each other.

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  • [โ€“] 3 points 5 months ago (4 children)

    even if the 'real' you is just the one who is fashioning the 'masks', which masks you wear and their details says everything about the 'reality' underneath. The masks are there to obscure our faces from ourselves as much as for the social other

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  • [โ€“] 3 points 5 months ago (3 children)

    Yeah, but I meant masking as wiki/Masking_(behavior):

    In psychology and sociology, masking, also known as social camouflaging, is a defensive behavior in which an individual conceals their natural personality or behavior in response to social pressure, abuse, or harassment. Masking can be strongly influenced by environmental factors such as authoritarian parents, social rejection, and emotional, physical, or sexual abuse.

    It's the thing that we all use to an extent as a means to even be able to communicate - eg I might make eye contract & some hand gestures bcs that facilities a conversation, bcs if I don't do that ppl will add to their understanding of our conversation that I am being dishonest (and not merely a bit less neurotypical).

    It's "skills" we develop growing up bcs we were told or deduced from environment that certain things should be a certain way in order to even communicate. Some things might be ez, some take a huge toll.

    If you mean masks like direct lying or manipulation beyond facilitating a convo (an exchange of ideas), that is not what I meant.
    It's like getting to speak the same language basically, a set of basic prerequisites.

    Normal masking helps you have, sustain, and help a relationship, we have a bit different needs & preferences. It's not about hiding stuff, I directly tell ppl I'm faking eye contract, but ppl still need it anyway.

    Lying, eg telling (core conversational) stuff that isn't true, is different, that is just shitty. And yes, you can tell what the underlying personality wants to get out of that manipulation. (And yes, that is humanity.)

    But if I can't have a normal conversation with a new friend or eg someone I need to interact with (eg a store employee) than I just get left out of society & need help.

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  • [โ€“] 1 point 5 months ago (2 children)

    what i'm getting at is, your social disguise is going to mostly be effective on people who rely on appearances to judge the interior quality of things (including people). You will turn away high quality people who can see through your disguise, and to retain around you people who either can't tell between you and the mask or don't care. It's a good survival strategy but not a good way to find deeper, worthy relationships.

    If i wanted to be a little more cryptic and spooky about it i'd say something like 'there is no 'real' you under the masks, it's just masks on top of masks all the way down, the stack of masks in a literal sense is the reality of you.'

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  • [โ€“] 1 point 5 months ago (1 child)

    Lol, "high quality people", that's inventing classes & intolerance where it's not needed.

    So if I speak a language the other party doesn't know (even tho I know their language & can speak it) I'll be able to get a good thing going?

    Social disguise does not exclude being completely honest. That is a separate thing!

    Also you think ppl are dumb & can't differentiate between social masking & what the words that I'm speaking mean?
    I connect well with ppl listening to the meaning I try to convey, it's way harder with ppl that take your social vibe into consideration (bcs now I have to modulate that as well as my words to get the same meaning across).

    You will turn away high quality people who can see through your disguise . . .

    The "disguise" as you call it isn't a secret, it's meant to be understood & looked-through. That's how all deeper relationship work bcs even what you would call "no disguise" (which imho isn't a thing bcs we learn cultural norms, we aren't born with them) works just as a disguise bcs the limits of communication are just so vast.

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