But I have!

Names I've been called:

Shakespeare

Hemingway

Burroughs

Kerouac

Thompson

Palahniuk

Buddha

Christ

Retard

Idiot

Take your meds x 500000

Pedophile

Hebephile

Crackhead

Meth head

But NOT pothead! I wasn't good enough to get the job of festival cop, despite being a juggler. Why I switched to righting so much to get so skilled at it. Education IS our best crime deterrent after all, and I've been a crackhead for twelve years now. Has nothing to do with amphetamines. I'm a cop, dummy. I make a difference!