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Anon is terminally lonely (sh.itjust.works)
submitted 7 months ago by to c/greentext@sh.itjust.works
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[–] 28 points 7 months ago (7 children)

Yeah I’m not sure what to tell yall, but happiness comes from within. If you attach it to mental formations (i.e. “The only way I can be happy is with a boyfriend/girlfriend”), then you’re gonna have a bad time.

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  • [–] 24 points 7 months ago (1 child)

    happiness comes from within

    In my experience, having a constant companion has a positive feedback loop. People you can continuously interact with - joking, catching up, eating together, helping one another out, just Netflix'n'Chilling... it's reaffirming.

    But it is a loop. You don't just wake up happy forever. There's ups and downs. There's psychical and emotional adjustments. You're not immune to despair. You just have someone you can be glum around who - ideally - fills you in on the lows and rides with you for the highs.

    If you've got a bunch of mental baggage going into a relationship, your partner (ideally) helps you unpack that shit and dispose of it. Or, at least, shows you their own baggage, so you know you're not alone. It doesn't just go away instantly, but over time you can put it behind you precisely because you've got someone else in your life affirming your own worth.

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  • [–] 3 points 7 months ago

    I agree with all that, but I'll also say that getting started fixing your issues first is a hugely valuable thing. If you haven't it's so easy to think love will solve all your problems while not even having the tools to deal with your own emotions and baggage.

    You need people, we all do, and we deteriorate rapidly without people. But romantic relationships are really easy to screw up by being emotionally unhealthy

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  • [–] 2 points 7 months ago (4 children)

    Idk, I've never been happier than the six months I was dating this girl who's sex drive was almost as high as mine. Never been able to get there on my own and the other aspects of my life have been way better since then. Sadly her mental health was a mess and that relationship didn't last.

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  • [–] 1 point 7 months ago (3 children)

    You'd also be 'happy' if you did cocaine for those six months. You are confusing getting high from dopamine hits with happiness.

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  • [–] 1 point 7 months ago (2 children)

    All happiness is just dopamine hits. It's all stimulus and chemicals regardless of what's triggering it.

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  • [–] 1 point 7 months ago* (1 child)

    No, it's not. Happiness is the action of self regulation. Happiness is choosing broccoli over a cookie because you know it is better for you. And then later choosing to have the cookie after you've had proper good food.

    Someone tied up to a machine being dosed by chemicals to 'feel happy' would not be happy. Just like drug addicts, and other addicts, who are constantly chasing highs, are not happy people. They are fucking miserable, forever chasing and defining their entire life by those dopamine hits.

    What you are describing is how children are. They would choose the cookie every time, eat cookies all day, get sick and throw up, and then get angry and sullen about it and still do it all over again. Because they have no ability to regulate, they just act in a state of pure dopamine seeking.

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