Being post-op doesn’t change shit for trans women when it comes to hook ups or even meeting people. Transphobes will do it regardless. Transphobes will see you as a man regardless. Everyone in the trans community is inescapably aware of this. People who are not transphobes will have no issue seeing you as a woman regardless of your equipment.

I've seen comments/posts from stealth trans people talking about keeping it a secret. There was a post recently on one of the comms where they mentioned their hookup partner said her cervix felt weird (because she doesn't have one). I've certainly gotten the idea that such is achievable for some people. My impression is also that snip-snip memes are also far more common than memes celebrating the rejection of bottom surgery. There certainly can be an implied peer pressure, even when people are just talking about their own personal experiences and not implying some universal truth. Unfortunately, imposter syndrome is really common and could lead to overcompensation (such as seen in transfems who have a hyperfeminine phrase right after cracking and transfems who go through a hypermasculine phase right before cracking).

I've never tried taking any of the steps towards getting surgery, but is it really that impossible that Martha didn't at least mostly believe she wanted it during the lead-up? Honestly, I hope they're not as bad as you make it sound. Surgery is scary regardless of what kind, so there's no way I'd ever not express some level of doubt for that reason alone. Also feel like I'd be so embarrassed about the topic that it would be difficult to convey a sense of confidence that its something I wanted.