often becomes adults who are extraordinarily competent

yeah... about that...

(still financially dependent (and emotionally attached to my mother since I never felt confident to explore the world on my own and make friends))

As for the resentment...

You have no idea how much I just hate my birth country.

I have this fantasy of having a perfect relationship with my mother but its this stupid ass ultra-conservative culture that destroyed that could've been.

Every time I my mom yells at me... every time I have conflict with family... I just can't stop thinking: I fucking hate China, fucking toxic culture

I kinda feel like all this shame of my depression is like the spirits of my ancestors taunting me, calling me a coward for not being able to just "be strong" or whatever the fuck that means... so I just hate that country as a proxy to hating my parents... whom I don't really want to hate... so I blame the culture, the country instead... the toxic culture robbed me of my relationship with my family of origin...

And for that, I will forever hate China... I never wanna re-visit that place ever again...

Who the fuck even wanna deal with the firewall bullshit and censorship on top of it? Jeez... I rather face my risks in the US of ICE or whatever, at least if I get shot by ICE, I would actually get sympathy... in China, they'd call me a lazy loser and totally ignore the existence of depression... and at least I could binge watch youtube in the US... China has zero media and is boring af... idk how people even survive the boredom...

Fuck CCP, Fuck Confucious, Fuck "Filial Piety"

/end rant