a_queer_one comments on Go Ask Alex: I'm a straight guy. Can I be a sub for a gay dom?

[–] a_queer_one@lemmy.world 5 points 8 months ago (2 children)

You can totally have a sexless D/s relationship where it's just about the power exchange. I know of a case with a lesbian woman and gay man in a D/s relationship. But that's explicitly not what is being discussed in the article

Dude is allowed to call his sexuality what he wants, but fantasizing about wanting a male dom who you bottom for anal to isn't straight

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[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 8 months ago (1 child)

Dude is allowed to call his sexuality what he wants, but fantasizing about wanting a male dom who you bottom for anal to isn't straight.

I don't see how this isn't contradictory.

Oh I'm straight, lemme get donimated by this bear I've been fantasizing about, oh hey, I'm still straight by the way.

No.

If that dude tells people he is straight, he is lying, like a closeted person, who is either in denial or ashamed of his true nature.

If you're saying its ok for him to lie about it, to be closeted, to survive existing in a bigotted environment, thats one thing, but...

...its entirely another thing for him to ... actually think and believe that he is straight.

Thats delusional.

Words have to mean things, otherwise they are useless.

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[–] a_queer_one@lemmy.world 2 points 8 months ago

I think it's highly contradictory, but when it comes to self applied identities like gender or sexuality I firmly believe it's only the business of the person who is identifying. It's not a definition thing to me, it's a self determination thing.

He's probably either in the closet or hasn't unpacked the ways he equates masculinity with penetration enough to open himself up to his femdom desires.

Either way, he's still allowed to call himself straight, even if he's pretty clearly mistaken.

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