People do things for social approval. That's my point. Social approval requires meeting other people's standards, not your own.
And when your standards are not in synch with the people around you, it's miserable and leads to conflict.
Where I come from 'bettering yourself' got you socially shitcanned. And that's true for a lot of parts of the world and family relationships.
The mantra of meritocractic achievement is only social and rewarding among the upper middle classes, in the USA at least. If you existing outside of that, you people often regard 'self improvement' with hostility.