Not really, I really don't wanna die.

My entire existence is bizzare as fuck.

I was supposed to be terminated under the One Child Policy since I was the 2nd one, but somehow I managed to live and survive till birth.

I've always had existential crisis about it ever since my mom told me about it.

No I don't wanna die. I'm scared. But I'm also feeling suicidal simultaneously, but also wtf brain stop it, I wanna live, wtf r u doing brain, stop thinking about suicide.

so... yeah... brain is weird...

I'd panic...

I remember once seeing a nuclear mushroom cloud outside my window... then the electronics died to the emp... then I woke up...

It was a dream...

I think I was just full with adrenaline...

I think biology will take over and survival instincts will make me scare af at my final hour.

Its why people believe in spirts and souls and stuff... its literally biology... coping mechanism...

I sort of believe in reincarnation too... yes I know its probably copium... but otherwise I'd be an even bigger puddle of depression.

I sometimes wonder if "god" intervened and that why I was born... cuz normally you'd just become an aborted fetus in China. They say 400 million government forced abortions in China... but somehow I lived. Bizzare.

Great ice breaker tho, I haven't really told anyone IRL yet... I kinda tried to stop thinking about it for the past 10 years since it constantly get me thinking: what if I was never born

My mom keeps reminding me about it. I get a burst of existential crisis every time... her words sounds so... like... it makes the entire atmosphere dark whenever my mom retells my "origin story".