Yeah and I am currently managing my ADHD too. Absolutely does not make it a personal failing for those who can't. It took me years to figure out what worked and I'm still just barely able to manage. Sounds like you have some internalized ableism to work on.

Ah yes, you know someone with sufficiently manageable issues and who can mask well enough for you, and therefore everybody else should be able to do the same! Because all people with disabilities are the same.

JFC.

You realize not everyone has the same level/type of ADHD? And not everyone responds the same to medicine? And that ADHD is often comorbid with other disorders?

As someone with a partner who has ...

Mm, so you don't personally know what the experience is like. I have a partner with chronic pain, and though I can see what she does to handle it and get by, that doesn't mean I know what it's like. If I were to tell people with chronic pain, "Oh, it's manageable, I know someone with it and I see them get along fine, so you must not be trying hard enough," it would sound awfully insensitive, wouldn't it?

That might sound like a far-fetched comparison, but if you understood what experiencing executive dysfunction felt like, you'd know just how disabling it can be. Good on your partner, I'm glad they've found a solution/system/medication that works for them. But ADHD is a spectrum just as autism is. Even though I'm AuDHD, I know the things that help me aren't necessarily things that others would benefit from, because these conditions are highly individualized. To know one individual with one of these conditions and assume everyone else must be the same is beyond unhelpful, verging into offensive.

As someone who is familiar with the concepts of survivorship bias and anecdotal evidence I know that they can be easily learned and applied. You should give it a try.