Same. Life is just happy and peaceful alone. Relationships and friendships just invite drama, controversy and misery into my life. And I spent my life pursing 'community' and relationships thinking one day i'll get what I want otu of them... and that day was never coming, never going to happen. I was never going to be loved, accepted, or appreciated for all my efforts. All that happens is endless criticism of how you aren't doing more, and how your sacrifices and efforts and accomplishments are the 'bare minimum'.
Why would anyone want to live like that? It's an abusive way to live your life. Turns out being alone means the abuse stops. Turnings out when you put your energy into yourself... you feel good. You get healthy, you enjoy life, and if you aren't constantly being shamed by others... you stop feeling shame. I have been single and alone for 5 years... i am fitter, healthier, wealthier, and i get to pursue my passions without harassment and shame about how 'stupid' they are from other people.
But sadly 'society' doesn't understand this. That the 'bargain' society used to offer me is now no longer giving them what they want. And they would rather just double-down on shame and harassment of men as being 'unmanly'. Of feeling like any social interaction I had required me walking on eggshells and be hyper vigilent, because if i offended or upset anyone I'm a terrible awful wretched person. It's totally absurd way to live life. I'd rather be happy and isolated than miserable and 'involved' in society's bullshit rat race misery contest that it calls 'socializing', where no matter how much you do or achieve, it's never enough because someone else has more than you and you should feel awful about it.
I cook/eat what I want, went I want. I do what I want when/if I want to do it. I wear what I want, buy what I want, and it's awesome because I can do all of this without constant negotiation and negative feedback about how my choices that I make are 'impacting' or 'hurting' or 'disappointing' everyone else. Like I drive a base level hatchback car... it's great, i love it. But apparently this 'upset' my exes/friends/etc because it showed I have 'no ambition or self respect' or something. F that noise.