I never figured out how this is reconciled - it just sounds dirty AF (and I'm no clean freak at all!)

Cast iron is non stick without the shenanigans if you follow the hot pan, cold oil protocol. Most people don't get the pan up to temp before using it and the put in the oil or butter too soon.

No, and nor is the teflon in the pans you're thinking if. PFAS is a chemical used in the manufacture of Teflon (or was, I thought they'd stopped now) not teflon itself. The problem with PFAS is accidental release and dumping.

Seasoning is just oil baked onto cast iron through a process called polymerization. It gives your cookware that classic black patina. Seasoning forms a natural, easy-release cooking surface and helps prevent your pan from rusting.

- Lodge (as I understand it, they're the gold standard for cast iron cookware)

In the case of non-stick stuff, it's less that they're seasoned with PFAS and more that they don't need seasoning because they have PFAS (at least in theory).

No, that's the opposite

You can season nearly anything with oil. Except aluminum, which needs a Teflon coating or it gets nasty very fast. Except Teflon is non reactive to nearly everything

Except pfas. You can dissolve Teflon in pfas and spray it onto aluminum