From one internet stranger to another: you are valid. For the naysayers no amount of official recognition would matter anyway.

EDIT: Your anger is also valid and justified.

For people who accept autism as a valid reason for not having your life perfectly in order, an official diagnosis won’t change anything.

For people who don’t accept it as a valid reason, an official diagnosis won’t change anything either.

I’m undiagnosed myself, and I’m not even seeking a diagnosis because it wouldn’t change anything for me. A piece of paper confirming that I’ve been dealt a bad hand doesn’t make me feel any better. The cards are already on the table - I can see them with my own eyes.

So personally, I'm not seeking the diagnosis. AuADHD is hard enough to experience, I don't want people to also be able to use it as an excuse with me. I know my limits.

People have asked me for years, assumed I was, and when my ASD friends find out I'm not diagnosed are legitimately shocked. For 20 some years I've been in denial about the extremely obvious signs because I wanted to fit in.

I have a very hard time accepting anything, but I have a harder time rejecting clear patterns, evidence, external observation, and introspection. Honestly, thats been more valuable to me than a diagnosis. The diagnosis would just confirm what I know, not how I'm going to go forward.

So instead I can ask a therapist directly: "how do I stop wasting energy trying to fit in, when fitting in is expected?"

That makes a lot of sense.