I think people get too defensive about security by obscurity not being security. It's still better for things to be obscure, it's just not sufficient. A hidden lock to open a door is marginally better than a lock on the door. A hidden button to open a door isn't secure though, of course.

But at the same time, I fully understand why it's stressed so much. People tend to make analogies in their mind to the physical world. The digital world is so different though. An example I use often is you can't jiggle every doorknob in the world to see if it's unlocked, but it's (relatively) easy to check every IPv4 address for an open port to some database with default credentials.